Transcend
The journey for me now is to master peace as I work on my masterpiece...
I met with my therapist yesterday. It has been about 7 weeks since my last visit so I was overdue for a talk. The longer I stay away- the more the anxiety of life will present and because I am desperately trying to maintain my emotional balance, I must remain disciplined to my schedule. I get into these life strides where I think I’m doing great and can take a break from my wellness plan but with the work schedule that I’ve been keeping for the last couple years, and life’s continuous happenings–by the weekend–I NEED therapy.
The great part about my wellness plan is my therapist is always happy to see me, and I am always equally as happy to see him. During our session, I addressed some of my most recent concerns that required assistance since we’d spoken last and instead of providing any immediate feedback, he asked me a rather profound question. “Do you know what the first cognitive stage of childhood development is?” I kinda turned my head to the side in perplexity because this was completely off topic. “I think so”, I answered. “Is it sensory development?” He smiled and said, “Indeed. And, what is the word we tell children the most when they are trying to develop their senses?” I nodded because I’d immediately realized the point he was about to make. “No.” I responded. “That’s right. Doc said. “Long before children have an opportunity to learn how to trust themselves and their senses and their own individual development, we cloud their senses with the word no.” He went on, “We believe as parents that we are acting out of protection. And, honestly we are. But the best education is the education we participate in. When we implant the word no, at such an early stage in a childs’ development- what we are really implanting in our children is fear. Then we refer to their next developing stage at 2 and into 3 as terrible, and further traumatize them. Many children before the age of 5 are already so ingrained with fear that they struggle to develop confidence their entire lives. Some never recover. “By this point, I was two seconds from the floor. “The doubt that we impart into our children at the outset of their young lives, stays with them. Its’ the voice they hear when they want to try something new like move to a new city, or change jobs, or leave a bad relationship, or start a new business. We especially do this in communities of color.”
I sank back into the couch, deflated. He made so much sense. This was an inconvenient truth.
I’d started that discussion with my doctor in fear. Fear of the changes that are happening in my mind as I age, fear of the changes that 20 years of working in corporate America and 10 years of management has forced me to make, fear of a number of professional decisions I need to make over the coming years. Fear of the changes in my interests, fear of the changes in my marriage as both my husband and I make career decisions that keep us away from our home and our life together for longer, fear of the changes and adjustments that I need to make in my parenting as my son becomes a young man and heads to high school, fear of the political climate we are in, the fear mongering and the old world hatred this administration has encouraged, fear of my mother aging and embracing death as all of her peers and siblings age and their health declines, fear of the unknown, fear, fear, and more fear.
My doctor took a well-known childhood psychological study and used it brilliantly to help me visualize why my doubt had such strongholds. They’d always been there. But, the real beauty in that discussion was that synopsis led to another breakthrough. The longer we talked about why the fear was real for me, and the more he used a wealth of information to tackle my fears, the better I began to feel. “Sylvia, you have an incredible sense of awareness of who you are and who you are not. You are aware of your capabilities and your talents. You are aware of your surroundings and you know that the condition of those surroundings has the ability to improve. You know what you want. You know what your value system is. You know what your interests are and the direction you are heading. You know how much the work you do helps people. You are not operating on a lack of information. You are just allowing your right brain to overtake your left. You have to trust the curiosity of your creative voice and you just have to begin to let that voice transcend your own fear.”
I stood up and shook Doc’s hand. I needed to get out of that room so I began for the door. I scheduled my next appointment and paid my co-payment. I pressed the button on the elevator and felt the flood, so I walked the four flights downstairs to the car and when I could see the car I knew I was almost safe so I allowed the tears. I sat in that hot ass car and cried until I dried out, well until I could barely breathe, but I told myself that yesterday was the final confirmation I needed to break up with these strongholds and I allowed myself one more inconvenient truth, I'd heard from one of my dearest friends recently while on vacation. There are just some things in life that I will never have an answer for and the real key will be to find a way to live on and live well without those answers.
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Self- doubt is an evil bitch that I know so many of us wrestle with but comparison her evil twin is the true thief of joy. I have been wed for years, to both. I’m the queen of telling myself “no, Syl that already exists” and there’s a much better person suited and booted for the role, but the unique ability that God gave to me is- there is no one who can tell my stories, like me. And as a believer, I believe that this is the case for all of us. We should absolutely tell our own stories in any way we can. Our stories are a part of our legacy. There is no more important time than now for my own evolution, to do so.
I created this space on my site for two reasons. Liberty. Freedom. Not the constitutional kind but the kind that emanates from the soul. I’ve spent 41.5 years as me (my half birthday is on Independence Day) and there are so many different directions that I have wanted to take my life, but I allowed self-doubt, responsibility, marriage and motherhood, my career and other people's opinions to push me away from it. Along the way I've shared my visions or my ideas with the wrong people and allowed them to process their imaginary prophecies of doom or use their limited understanding of my abilities to make a prediction about my future. Can I just share a simple disclaimer? We should never give people that kind of access to our spirit. Done. Said. Everybody understand? Great. Forward.
There’s some things that you’re preparing for that you should absolutely prepare for without consultation from the masses. In the course of any endeavor- do your research, seek wise counsel, and definitely plan but if you’re serious about something- don’t spend the same amount of time that you’ve spent planning, to allow yourself or other people who haven't achieved what you're reaching for- the ability to offer prophecy over your life. You don't need that kind of invisible residue over your life. Bad advice and bad energy about your ideas will give you the room to wiggle out of action. We don't need that. If 2018 and 2017 has taught me anything, it has taught me that people ascend to higher positioning with far less skillset than I've been working my entire career to cultivate and that the more I practice at anything (yes, we’re talking about practice) and tell my truth- the easier and the better I get. So for this, and every effort from me- I will just continue to dedicate myself to my evolution and the work and trust that the universe will direct the rest. That's the algebraic equation.
When I met the incomparable Iyanla Vanzant this year on The Karen Hunter show- off mic- I asked her for a few words of life advice and she willingly poured affirmations into me like a river. But what I have found from being an Iyanla aficionado over the years is that no matter the subject, the crime, the pathology, the issue or the offense- Auntie Iyanla never really deviates from the message of accountability, acceptance and forgiveness. That's foundational of her life's work and at least for me, it makes perfect sense. I flourish when I am accountable, when I accept the lessons of life and yes, even when I forgive. But, you know what I absolutely loved most about that meeting? (Don't worry I'm going to tell you) It was that if she never said anything to me at all, she looked at me. Intently. Almost like she recognized me and gave me the warmest smile and hug. The acknowledgement of me was more important to me than anything she actually said. You'd be amazed by what can happen to the spirit when someone simply acknowledges you and affirms you.
Today's episode of my show Next Nation "The Entire Planet is Home" with Gina Humber is another affirmation. I met Gina through the work I do in radio. Since our initial meeting and in every interaction since and there have been many- she has affirmed me. If I endeavor to self deprecate in our phone conversations or texts, she stops me mid sentence and beats that sentiment back with love, reflection, redirection and truth. I've only known this woman for the better part of a year but our mutual appreciation and friendship is as genuine and fortifying as developing bonds come. Our discussion about travel is an important one that approaches tourism with a humanitarian and cultural tone.
I trust that you'll enjoy and please also share with me your thoughts. In all thy ways beloveds, transcend.